Songs That Need No Beers at All

The other end of the scale: songs that sound good stone-cold sober. A score near zero means raters did not think a single beer would improve them. Expect classics, and expect to argue about what is missing.

Top 25 of 312 songs with at least 10 ratings. Ranked by average beer score on a 0 to 11 scale.

1. 1
   

   Respect

   Aretha Franklin

   Otis wrote it. Aretha took it. It was never his again.

   0.9beers30 ratings
2. 2
   

   Big Poppa

   The Notorious B.I.G.

   The smoothest Biggie ever got. Beer three approves.

   0.9beers13 ratings
3. 3
   

   I Walk the Line

   Johnny Cash

   That boom-chicka rhythm was a dollar bill in his guitar strings.

   1.2beers14 ratings
4. 4
   

   Purple Rain

   Prince

   The last three minutes are the best guitar solo in pop. No debate.

   1.2beers30 ratings
5. 5
   

   Seven Nation Army

   The White Stripes

   Now legally the property of every football stadium on earth.

   1.3beers28 ratings
6. 6
   

   Come as You Are

   Nirvana

   That guitar tone is worth two beers on its own.

   1.4beers24 ratings
7. 7
   

   What's Going On

   Marvin Gaye

   Motown told him not to release it. Motown was wrong.

   1.5beers35 ratings
8. 8
   

   Smells Like Teen Spirit

   Nirvana

   You either get it sober or never.

   1.5beers34 ratings
9. 9
   

   Hey Jude

   The Beatles

   The na-na-nas run four minutes. Pace your beers accordingly.

   1.5beers39 ratings
10. 10
    

    One More Time

    Daft Punk

    The auto-tune everyone forgave instantly. Celebrate.

    1.6beers16 ratings
11. 11
    

    Loser

    Beck

    Soy un perdedor. Accidentally the anthem of a whole generation.

    1.7beers34 ratings
12. 12
    

    Jolene

    Dolly Parton

    Begging your rival not to take your man, and somehow winning.

    1.7beers26 ratings
13. 13
    

    Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

    Eurythmics

    Annie Lennox staring directly through you for four minutes.

    1.7beers81 ratings
14. 14
    

    Hey Ya!

    OutKast

    Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Polaroid had to issue a statement.

    1.7beers36 ratings
15. 15
    

    Come Together

    The Beatles

    The bassline does all the work and knows it.

    1.7beers34 ratings
16. 16
    

    Sabotage

    Beastie Boys

    The Spike Jonze video is the best three minutes of the nineties.

    1.8beers28 ratings
17. 17
    

    Stairway to Heaven

    Led Zeppelin

    Eight minutes that every guitar shop on earth has banned.

    1.8beers36 ratings
18. 18
    

    Tainted Love

    Soft Cell

    A Northern Soul cover that outgrew the original entirely.

    1.8beers35 ratings
19. 19
    

    Something

    The Beatles

    Harrison's best song, and the other three knew it.

    1.8beers25 ratings
20. 20
    

    Light My Fire

    The Doors

    The organ solo goes on forever and should go on longer.

    1.8beers17 ratings
21. 21
    

    Johnny B. Goode

    Chuck Berry

    The riff that started all of it. Zero beers required, ever.

    1.9beers23 ratings
22. 22
    

    Feel Good Inc.

    Gorillaz

    The bassline plus that laugh. Nothing else required.

    1.9beers43 ratings
23. 23
    

    Wishlist

    Pearl Jam

    The most gentle Vedder has ever allowed himself to be.

    1.9beers16 ratings
24. 24
    

    Black Hole Sun

    Soundgarden

    The chorus is gorgeous and the video was terrifying.

    1.9beers38 ratings
25. 25
    

    The Less I Know The Better

    Tame Impala

    That bassline carries the entire song and knows it.

    1.9beers45 ratings