Songs That Need No Beers at All

The other end of the scale: songs that sound good stone-cold sober. A score near zero means raters did not think a single beer would improve them. Expect classics, and expect to argue about what is missing.

Top 25 of 336 songs with at least 10 ratings. Ranked by average beer score on a 0 to 11 scale.

1. 1
   

   Purple Rain

   Prince

   The last three minutes are the best guitar solo in pop. No debate.

   0.8beers35 ratings
2. 2
   

   Big Poppa

   The Notorious B.I.G.

   The smoothest Biggie ever got. Beer three approves.

   1.0beers14 ratings
3. 3
   

   I Walk the Line

   Johnny Cash

   That boom-chicka rhythm was a dollar bill in his guitar strings.

   1.1beers14 ratings
4. 4
   

   Respect

   Aretha Franklin

   Otis wrote it. Aretha took it. It was never his again.

   1.1beers37 ratings
5. 5
   

   Come as You Are

   Nirvana

   That guitar tone is worth two beers on its own.

   1.3beers28 ratings
6. 6
   

   What's Going On

   Marvin Gaye

   Motown told him not to release it. Motown was wrong.

   1.4beers37 ratings
7. 7
   

   Seven Nation Army

   The White Stripes

   Now legally the property of every football stadium on earth.

   1.5beers35 ratings
8. 8
   

   Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

   Eurythmics

   Annie Lennox staring directly through you for four minutes.

   1.5beers94 ratings
9. 9
   

   Smells Like Teen Spirit

   Nirvana

   You either get it sober or never.

   1.6beers43 ratings
10. 10
    

    Stairway to Heaven

    Led Zeppelin

    Eight minutes that every guitar shop on earth has banned.

    1.7beers45 ratings
11. 11
    

    Bohemian Rhapsody

    Queen

    Sober masterpiece. Drunk masterpiece. There is no wrong beer count here.

    1.7beers56 ratings
12. 12
    

    The Less I Know The Better

    Tame Impala

    That bassline carries the entire song and knows it.

    1.8beers51 ratings
13. 13
    

    Hey Jude

    The Beatles

    The na-na-nas run four minutes. Pace your beers accordingly.

    1.8beers51 ratings
14. 14
    

    Beat It

    Michael Jackson

    Eddie Van Halen did the solo for free. Best favour in music history.

    1.8beers43 ratings
15. 15
    

    Sabotage

    Beastie Boys

    The Spike Jonze video is the best three minutes of the nineties.

    1.8beers35 ratings
16. 16
    

    One More Time

    Daft Punk

    The auto-tune everyone forgave instantly. Celebrate.

    1.8beers17 ratings
17. 17
    

    Jolene

    Dolly Parton

    Begging your rival not to take your man, and somehow winning.

    1.9beers31 ratings
18. 18
    

    Feel Good Inc.

    Gorillaz

    The bassline plus that laugh. Nothing else required.

    1.9beers51 ratings
19. 19
    

    About a Girl

    Nirvana

    Proof Cobain could write a pop song and rather resented it.

    1.9beers31 ratings
20. 20
    

    Another Brick in the Wall

    Pink Floyd

    A children's choir telling teachers off. Still undefeated.

    1.9beers37 ratings
21. 21
    

    Hey Ya!

    OutKast

    Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Polaroid had to issue a statement.

    2.0beers44 ratings
22. 22
    

    Even Flow

    Pearl Jam

    That solo is McCready showing off, and he earned the right.

    2.0beers27 ratings
23. 23
    

    Firestarter

    The Prodigy

    Keith Flint in a tunnel. Genuinely frightening in 1996.

    2.0beers23 ratings
24. 24
    

    Heart-Shaped Box

    Nirvana

    The weirdest thing to ever get daytime radio play. Beautiful.

    2.1beers30 ratings
25. 25
    

    Something

    The Beatles

    Harrison's best song, and the other three knew it.

    2.1beers29 ratings